‘alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible say’s love your enemy’
Finding love is a game of trial and error. according to cosmo, only 24% of first dates amount to anything meaningful. Fear no more bitches, for the DARKEroom has your back. With this guide you can find your Mr. Right using the almighty wisdom and prophecy of mankind’s greatest discovery, ALCOHOL!
Let’s face it if you’re going on a date with a guy the odds are he is going to order a pint of beer. This guy is probably sporty, masculine and loud, he’s your classic lad and although he can probably neck a pint of grolsch in one gulp he still has abs shredded like a pair of Christina Aguilera’s jeans. Don’t be fooled by his six-pack now, in a few years time all those beers will add up and your man will look like he’s in his second trimester. According to recent polls the average man drinks 2 pints of beer a day, you don’t want an average man, you want the right man.
Gin started out as a medicine – it was thought it could be a cure for gout and indigestion, And just like that bottle of Bombay this gent is just what the doctor ordered. He has a good job, his head screwed on but still knows how to have a good time. brace yourself though, perfection comes at a price, as a recent study found out that people that drink gin regularly have a higher chance of showing psychopathic tendencies. I hope you like your bunnies boiled xoxo
Just like penises, wine drinkers are not all the same. First you must identify which type of wine drinker you are dealing with.
White: This white knight just ordered a bottle of Pinot Grigio for the table so that he can drink with you. This considerate chap just wants to make you happy, he probably has a close relationship with his mother and is very sensitive to your womanly needs.
Red: Red wine is a first date staple. The restaurant is classy, the wine is classy, He’s classy. But whilst he’s swilling his glass of Cabernet round his pallet he’s also mentally removing your knickers. He has an amazing collection of vinyl records and thinks that the woman’s role is in the home. He has a close relationship with his moustache and unlike the wine he’s drinking his morals and values have probably not aged a day.
Rose: I hate to tell you hun, but you’re barking up the wrong tree! he has a close personal relationship with his boyfriend Sam.
From Mojito to Manhattan, Cosmo to Caipirinha nothing says class and elegance like a cocktail. (why not try making some of your own ? like our creamy Money Shot or tequila based Bidi Bidi Bom Pom!) A cocktail drinker likes to splash the cash.he’s got something to prove, he likes the finer things in life. More booze, more flavour more fun! There’s nothing vanilla about this guy, well apart from the absolut vanilla in his porn-star martini.
Lets face it, If your date is ordering shots it means one of two things; number one, he is getting himself and probably you shitfaced drunk to coerce you to the bedroom OR he is a manic depressive alcoholic. When you’re on a date with a guy, you want to get to know him, not have a one sided conversation with a drooling neanderthal.
Marry him! bonus points if he’s over eighty years old!